Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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