i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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