I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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