Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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