um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
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the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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