Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I came so hard my ears popped.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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