He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Boobs speak an international language.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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