Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize