Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
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Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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