i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
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Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize