Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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