Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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