WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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