Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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