Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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