I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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