im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize