New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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