I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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