I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize