she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
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So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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