Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize