I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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