Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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