THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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