so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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