I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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