Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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