There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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