i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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