dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
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I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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