He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
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I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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