It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize