i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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