OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
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You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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