Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
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there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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