My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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