I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize