I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize