This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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