the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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