I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize