found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
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I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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