she woke up with a sticky ear
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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