saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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