im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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