we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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