The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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