i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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