I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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